Florida Doctor

FLDR Spring 2017

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S P R I N G 2 0 1 7 15 I n my old life, I believed that I was alone. Like a classic Greek tragedy, all that I had built came to ruin at the hands of my hu- bris. My arrogance and pride blinded me to the real source of my power, the real reason for my existence. And as with all tragedies, it was inevitable that I would fall. Do not make the same mistake, my fellow Physician, do not lose faith. For you are not alone. In my old life, I believed I was the rainmak- er. I was so proud of my eighteen-hour workday that was needed to keep everything together, to be a good bridge-builder. Balancing four admin- istrative jobs; seeing enough patients to sustain the overhead-heavy practice; attending numerous department meetings; making media appearances; traveling to conferences; participating in research; managing the practice; socializing with colleagues and donors; working with administration, market- ing, finance, risk management, utilization review, quality management, recruitment, credentialing, philanthropy, medical records, IT, architecture and physical plant, and the Board of Directors. e demands on my time were "self-imposed," and the rigorous schedule was the price to pay. I thought that I alone was responsible for my success. And I thought there would be time to sleep aer I would die. e accolades for these accomplishments eventually convinced me that this life of mine was exclusively of my own creation, and I lost touch with my own Creator. I gradually turned my back on God and, blinded by my own hubris, I basked in the glory of what I believed I had built. So many things I sacrificed on the altar of my success: My faith, my family, my health, my hobbies, and my joy in the little things in life. I largely ignored the warning signs, blind to anything that didn't fit the agenda of my career, an agenda sustained by my employers and masters. At the pinnacle, in what remains perhaps the most pivotal moment of my old life, one evening aer a routinely busy day I sat back in my fancy executive chair in my exclusive corner office and challenged Him. You see, I had observed and con- demned the complacency and mediocrity of some of my colleagues. And it bothered me when a vi- sion presented itself to me, a glimpse that I might end up that way one day. More out of fear than anything, I tested Him and asked "God, please send me challenges so that I don't end up compla- cent and stagnant." Little did I know what fury I would bring upon myself with that one simple request. Soon aer, the wheels started turning behind the scenes in ways I could never have imagined. My career and reputa- tion would be dismantled one piece at a time. All of my hard work to innovate, to inject value into the system, to earn a decent living aer decades of servitude, would be destroyed. Every attempt to communicate would be twisted and used against me in one venue aer another. For so long, I thought that I was the only one, I thought I was alone. But as time passed, I came to learn that so many other physicians are coming under attack like I did, and in ways that make it hard for us to communicate about it and support one another. It took me years of traveling my own journey to recognize how much power others have over the way we practice. In today's environment, You Are Not Alone One Physician's Journey From the Loneliness of Success to Discovering Genuine Purpose rough Trials and Suffering Dr. Sean Orr MD PERSPECTIVE

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